But America doesn’t.” Do you guys remember when life was like before covid? And after all that, you know what he did? Went out and got the coronavirus. SNL Transcripts: Bill Murray: 12/12/81: Hotel Room, SNL Transcripts: Jason Lee: 11/12/05: Refurbishments, SNL Transcripts: Nathan Lane: 12/06/97: The Lost Deep Thoughts, SNL Transcripts: Bradley Cooper: 02/07/08, A Message from the President of the United States, SNL Transcripts: Jeremy Renner: 11/17/12: Goodnights, SNL Transcripts: Fran Tarkenton: 01/29/77: Home Restaurant. Thank you, guys. That’s your leader. I would employ everybody who’s celebrating the day to remember it’s good to be a humble winner. And if you can’t do that, come get these nigga lessons. Remember half the country right now still feels that way. Because for us, we’ve been here before. They actually made fun of Joe Biden’s mask. It’s crazy. Eddie Murphy: Oh, all right. I’m happy he lived. Stimulus checks, the heroin, and rest of the country is trying to move forward and these white niggas keep holding us back. Follow. I don’t know if he’s going to make a good president, but he makes a swell hotel suite, I’ma tell you that. Joe Biden’s mask wasn’t bigger than anybody else’s mask, Mr. President. When he got coronavirus, they said everything about it on the news but you know what they didn’t say? My kids were trying to sleep and all they hear is the N word..” I said, “Was I saying it or were you?” He had that twang in his voice. The guy from the grocery store’s television.” No you big dummy. And it made me feel hopeful, and it made me proud to be an American, and it made me very happy about the prospects of our country. Dave Chappelle "thanked God" for the coronavirus pandemic during his Saturday Night Live opening monologue -- because it stopped "murderous whites" from committing mass shootings. They haven’t seen enough. Seem like Hillary was going well in the polls and yet, I know the whites. Ronald Reagan. “That’s it, bro. My town was dying. Pulse nightclub which they said ISIS did. They’re probably watching me right now. Chris Christie got all the symptoms. You know, I know it’s been a long time. [Dave Chappelle walks in and to the stage] [cheers and applause] Dave Chappelle: Thank you. What is the problem? I can’t even tell something true unless it has a punchline behind it. Dave Chappelle talks about the 2020 election, COVID-19 and Donald Trump.Saturday Night Live. Saturday Night Live. Black people were the only ones that know how to survive this. [chewing] “Don’t let hunger dictate your life.” That was cold, man. Log in. Now, I’m not sure if this is true, but to my knowledge, the first black person that was officially invited to the White House was Frederick Douglass. And I wish he could see me. It was hilarious. So please be patient. Do something nice for a black person just because they’re black. Some cold stuff. Ta-ta.”. Half? Yeah. I haven’t seen whites this mad since O.J. Trump looked like he got shook. Team of doctors is waiting for him. If someone threaten our president, that is the only time that I’d want him to be stereotypically black. They don’t know anything. Remember when I was here four years ago. Just random acts of kindness for black people. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. I don’t even know what she’s doing in the news. Read our recap, updating live. Coronavirus like, “Ummm-ummm.”. And I think I speak for all black American when I say that we are all praying for Omarosa. You’re not ready for this. Too noisy at a corn field. Man, you should have heard them talk about me. You see Trump’s face when he came out the meeting? Doctors came around. Dave Chappelle: You can’t. Would love your thoughts, please comment. I’m not even joking. Dave Chappelle: Thank you. Like, Brooklyn. Thank you very much. Thank you, guys. AIDS … Author Don Roy King Posted on December 10, 2020 February 6, 2021 Categories 2020 Tags Chappelle, Dave, episode 6, Monologue, season 46, Stand, Up Leave a comment on Dave Chappelle Stand-Up Monologue What Up With That- At Home People make more money from the stimulus checks than they do if they work. That’s what I suggest fight through. Everything coronavirus likes to eat, that was in Chris Christie’s body. [audience whooping] And thank god he lived to tell about it. I don’t know what he’s gonna do. Look, I’ve been going out deep for this one, I might have to get a Grindr account and bump a few guys off to throw them off the trail. Remember that for the first time in the history of America, the life expectancy of white people is dropping because of heroin, because of suicide. Every black person was watching there like, “Amateurs!” So, I’m staying out of it. And when the northerners came down, they started educating some of the newly freed black children and he learned how to read. But if you’re a good white, you actually want to help, then join me. It’s a wild thing to do. Search. View all posts by Don Roy King. There’s a pretty amazing story my great grandfather had. Ever heard of that website, farmersonly.com? Pretty incredible day. I’m leaving the country. And at the end of the night, everyone went at the west wing of the White House. And I feel bad to say that I’m staying at a Trump hotel right now. I am not as optimistic as he was. Thank you very much. You don’t know how to survive yourselves. Well, that’s insane!” He went further. Flew back home in helicopter and then he walked right up the steps. You know what I was thinking about all day today? I’m from Washington, so I saw the bus stop. * * * What kind of man does that? Most unlikely thing happened ever. The whites are furious. Worse. Dave Chappelle: Thank you. ... Dave Chappelle talks about the 2020 election, COVID-19 and Donald Trump.Saturday Night Live. Bleach directly on your body.” “Oh, boy. I don’t think the guy was in ISIS. Because I wonder what he would say. Right in his front yard, helicopter came. In the bizarre sequence of events, the president himself was armed, fired back killing four people had nothing to do with the incident. Thank you very much. “This guy wears the biggest mask I’ve ever seen.” Which is a ridiculous thing. Anyone remember that? John Mulaney: SNL Monologue (2020) – Transcript November 5, 2020 John Mulaney talks about New York Governor Andrew Cuomo’s coronavirus briefings, the 2020 … It’s not that hard. The timing could not have been more perfect as Dave Chappelle hosted Saturday Night Live on November 7 after the ... deliver the 2020 post-election monologue. If you don’t like it, take that suit off, find a new job, coz I’ma tell you right now, if I could quit being black today, I’d be out of the game. I mean, at least you get to be white while you’re doing it.” “I’m just saying, I’ma a little nervous.” “Nervous? It’s my plan. We was walking. I should tell you that. Lucky for the rest of the country though, he had a good healthcare plan, didn’t he? He was the first black dude that ever heard of America’s secrets. When Roosevelt was president, he had a black guy over and got so much flat from the media that he literally said, “I will never have a nigger in this house again.” I thought about that and I looked at that room and I saw all those black faces and Bradley, and I saw how happy everybody was. It was just white people owning the club, dancing. And these shows were very successful and may have even helped save the town. Where was his secret cerom? It was really, really beautiful night. He then ripped off his shirt, screamed out “Chi-town” for some reason. This job looks like its gonna be a lot harder than I thought.” “Really? Thank god for covid. Abraham Lincoln had to walk out himself and escort Frederick Douglass into the White House. This week I flew to New York on a private jet to host Saturday Night Live. Maybe 70%. But I know Obama did a good job. The same way all them years, they did terrible things to black people just because they’re black and they didn’t deserve it. It’s like a ‘woke’ meeting in here. State like Ohio for instance, right? It was the first time I’ve been there in many years. That’s why… That’s why… That’s why women make half.” [audience laughing awkwardly] Did I trigger you? Remember that video where he’s walking to the helicopter all by himself? But America has done it. SNL Transcripts: Mardi Gras Special: 02/20/77: Stella! See, this is why I came back to “Saturday Night Live,” for moments like this. No votes so far! Alright, just trying them out.” “Call the coronavirus the kung-fu.” I said, “You racist hilarious son of a bitch. If he could see me now, he probably would be like, “This nigga got bought and sold more than I have.”. I live in small town in Ohio. I’m just gonna be like Kaepernick and let the whites figure this out amongst themselves. Like, I was gonna have sex with a girl and right before I did it, I screamed out “Wutang.” That doesn’t mean I’m in the Wutang Clan. Think about that. And then I quit. So, in that spirit, I’m wishing Donald Trump luck and I’m gonna give him a chance and we, the historically disenfranchised demand that he give us 1–2. On ‘SNL,’ Host Dave Chappelle talks Trump, COVID-19, mass shootings in monologue ... 2020 at 6:56 AM . Do you agree with this? So, what I did was I did shows in my neighbor’s corn field. Wear you Klan hood at Walmart so that we can all feel safe. I was thinking about a person I never actually met but I heard about all my life. DAVE CHAPPELLE SNL MONOLOGUE REACTION (SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE 11/07/2020) CLICK HERE TO JOIN FIASCO NATION :: https://goo.gl/eCs4zv 4500 SUBSCRIBERS REACHED! [cheers and applause] I know a lot of people don’t like him, but I thought that guy was at least an optimist. A white man! SNL Transcripts: Matt Dillon: 03/11/06: Joplin: Alive Podcast. No votes so far! Housekeeping comes in in the morning and cleans my room and I just… “Hey, good morning, housekeeping”, grab big handful of pussy. I’m supposed to say that. But here’s the difference between me and you. Whatever it is, it is too much. Meanwhile, Chris Christie’s fat ass was in the ICU fighting for his life. You coming with us?” “Na, I’m good dawg. Shootings, what do you think about that? You ever seen his video? Website that begs the question ‘what kind of bitch only smashes with farmers’? You need us. If you’re a police officer and every time you put your uniform on, you feel like you got a target on your back, you’re appalled by the ingratitude that people have when you would risk your life to save them, oh man, believe me, believe me, I know how that feels. Trump got stunned. They had a whole Zoom meeting about me. You haven’t even met the aliens yet. These people who had been historically disenfranchised. Be the first to rate this post. Whites, come, hurry, quick. I’m from DC and I got to tell you. They can’t deserve it. Dave Chappelle is hosting the first episode of 'Saturday Night Live' since the 2020 election. Wasn’t it something? Remember Ronald Reagan used to say about black people, welfare people, drug addicts? 5 months ago | 61.6K views. Nobody was like, “Well, how did he get it?” This guy was running around like an outbreak monkey. You guys aren’t as full surprising as it used to be. Helicopter picked him up. This man just suggest that I put sunshine directly in my body? No one to be around. I walked through the gates. You know that twang when you hear that accent like, “Oh, I know he doesn’t wear his mask.”, I don’t know why poor white people don’t like wearing mask. There’s a split screen with white people on both sides, [screaming] Ah!!! Come on, man! Would love your thoughts, please comment. People don’t deserve to do that. Herman Cain’s black ass has been dead for two weeks. He was on a press conference, tried to guess the cure of coronavirus in front of the whole world. I promise you I know how that feels. Obama did a good job. I didn’t even think it was possible.”, Trump went to go see Obama last week. So, a lot of people don’t want to work. This morning after the results came in, I got a text from a friend of mine in London. At the end of his biting 'SNL' monologue, Dave Chappelle encourages America 'to find a way to forgive each other' Claudia Willen. I had to have a whole town meeting about how noisy I was being in a corn field. And then walked right in the house, killed four more people. Someone had to lock these murderous whites up and keep them in the house. That’s your leader. And then turned out that wasn’t exactly what happened. And she said, “The world feels like a safer place now that America has a new president.” And I said, “Well, that’s great. Man, I’m not saying I’m enjoying it. Transcript of Dave Chappelle’s opening monologue from November 12, 2016 “Saturday Night Live.” The comedian hosted the late night show for the first time and he joked about Donald Trump being elected president and how being rich changed his life. And I guess it’s kind of catchy coz everyone else is biting it. You know what Trump did after all that stuff? “Uh, put on some bleach. I’m just saying I have never seen this before. [showing the dance move] You need some black guys to look at you like… [making weird face and shaking head no], Now, Trump is gone. Try wearing a mask I’ve been wearing all these years. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020. Became the biggest staron television. Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. More shootings than I can literally count. But I think it’s important that I say this. “Uh, what about very powerful light directly in the body?” I said, “What? Some good coverage. Eddie Murphy: Oh! It’s called the ‘Kindness Conspiracy’. ‘Blue lives matter.’ Well, was you born a police? Dave Chappelle: Yeah, yeah. And on the walls were pictures of all the presidents of the past. [talking to an audience] You a black fellow. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. You know, before I go, I do wanna say one thing. Dave Chappelle talks about the 2020 election, COVID-19 and Donald Trump. It’s gonna be alright.”. It indicates the ability to send an email. Dave Chappelle has faced a torrent of backlash on social media for the comment, with many questioning why he thought an AIDS joke was appropriate in 2020. You know what it reminded me of? I’m gonna stay here and get this tax break and see how it works out.” Coz that’s how it’s being Dave Chappelle. In the first episode since the election, "Saturday Night Live" took on the unusual presidential election and host Dave Chappelle offered some somber advice during his monologue. I know how that feels. Diabetes, check. And I don’t mean to put this on the whites, but been a black a longtime, I’ve known this badder. They were saying, “Man, I’m trying to put my children in bed. 2020-11-08T06:03:12Z The letter F. An envelope. Thank you all for being here. [4 takes a cigarette out and lights it] Hey, I did not know you could smoke on stage. You guys hate each other for that. Watch fullscreen. SNL Transcripts: George Kennedy: 10/17/81: Spray-On Laetril, SNL Transcripts: Gabourey Sidibe: 04/24/10: An SNL Digital Short, SNL Transcripts: Adrien Brody: 05/10/03: TV Funhouse, SNL Transcripts: Kevin Spacey: 01/11/97: “Star Wars” 20th Anniversary Home Video I, SNL Transcripts: Bill Russell: 11/03/79: Barry White’s Big And Tall That’s All, SNL Transcripts: Natalie Portman: 03/04/06: Sheldon’s Bar Mitzvah. All these shootings in the last year. He looked shook. Below is the entire transcript of Dave Chappelle’s opening monologue from this week’s “Saturday Night Live.” The comedian hosted the late night show for the first time. He took his mask off and saluted helicopter. I’ve been doing shows in Ohio. That is not a blue life. Donald Trump is a wild guy. You can’t even go to the god damn zoo without seeing a shooting out there. Ladies and gentlemen, A Tribe Called Quest is in the building. It’s been a lone time. And BET had sponsored the party. You know, I know it’s been a long time. At a corn field! The next best thing, I became a rich black person. It’s very important part of it. What happened was he pledged allegiance to ISIS before he did what he did, which is not same as being an ISIS. Usually he’s walking with couple of bunch of other people. And I don’t even think it’s the most important thing we’re dealing with, man. That would be like me going to a homeless shelter with a bag full of hamburgers and say, “These is mine’s”, and then just start eating in front of all the homeless. Dave Chappelle Election 2020 ‘Saturday Night Live… He probably came in there, [mimicking Donald Trump and Barack Obama] “Hi, how are you Mr. President? Kind of guy that probably has an account on farmersonly.com. Was slave for 10 years of his life. Education, freedom of black people and Jesus Christ. And there was a huge party. This is not a joke. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020. Well, the corner of the bus stop used to be where I used to catch the bus to school and dream about nights like tonight. On ‘SNL,’ Host Dave Chappelle talks Trump, COVID-19, mass shootings in monologue. Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Dave Chappelle. News say they did $1 million worth of damage. That it was hilarious. Library. I said, “Ooh! Be the first to rate this post. All my black friends who have money said the same thing when Trump got elected. I watched a white riot in Portland, Oregon on television the other night. Trump getting coronavirus was like when Freddy Mercury got AIDS. The worst mass shootings in the history of United States. Who does that sound like now? It was so embarrassing. Why do we have to say that ‘black lives matter’? This is probably the funniest SNL Monologue in a long time and it is no surprise that it offended the Twitter community. I just hate that feeling. The guy from the television is at the grocery store. Come get your nigga lessons. If that is what happened then ISIS is scarier than I thought, because they have very deep cover operatives. Just buy him an ice cream. Walter Reede is not close to the White House. 5 months ago | 61.6K views. [audience laughing awkwardly] I’m sorry, Lorne, I thought we were having a comedy show. We’ve actually elected an internet troll as our president. I’m just shouting Wutang out. For the first Saturday Night Live after the presidential election, the showrunners turned over the opening monologue to comedian Dave Chappelle … and got out of the way. Relax. And the Cincinnati police said, “Shooting that gorilla was a toughest decision this department ever had make.” I said, “Well, you ’bout to see a lot of niggas in gorilla costumes in Cincinnati.”, Why do we have to say that? They stopped him at the gates. You don’t know about Ronald Reagan. And HBO Max is streaming it. So, I went on a press conference one time. What kind of man makes sure he’s okay while his friends fight for their lives and die? Scariest part about that. I said, “$700.50 in taxes goes a long way, doesn’t it, sir?” Some cold stuff, man. Original air date: October 10, 2020 Host Bill Burr does stand-up about the COVID-19 pandemic, cancel culture and white women. And a lot of these small towns in America was dying. No one’s around this time because he had the rona. Some mass shooting every week. Yeah. Everyone knows how that feels. Please remember that. All your black friends start moving out and all these new white friends start moving in. Got to tell you. Netflix started filming a show that bears his name. Ain’t that something? Turn those scissors around if you’re going to run around the house, Mr. President.”. Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Dave Chappelle. That’s a blue suit. I resented that these country farmers could decide a guy like me’s fate. This black president came out of nowhere like, “Come on everybody, let’s start thinking about everyone else.” [screaming] “Oh, nigga! For four years. And I thought about him all day today because I wish I could see him now. That’s what I fight through. He got an MA with education and dedicated his life to three things. I didn’t talk on the meeting I was just listening. Secret service is going to have to childproof the White House now. Donald Trump, he did it. And I resented it. All these white people out there that feel that anguish, that pain, they mad because they think nobody cares, and maybe they don’t, let me tell you something. And I didn’t get paid for any of it. First time I got some money, it didn’t work out like that. Thank you very much and goodnight. He was born a slave in South Carolina. You young fellow though. Helicopter took him to Walter Reede hospital. And I don’t hate anybody. And it was very exciting. Had his mask on then, didn’t he. I did suspect it. You see that? We’ve got a great show tonight. I’m out. And it did happen again as far as I know until Franklin D. Roosevelt was president. In an odd 'SNL' episode dominated by Dave Chappelle's monologue, Alec Baldwin's Donald Trump sang what may be his good-bye anthem. If you’re driving through the hood one day and you see a black dude standing on a corner selling crack, destroying his community, buy him an ice cream. I was looking at it like, “Um, there’s bad people on both sides. Saturday Night Live: Dave Chappelle monologue focuses on virus, Trump Saturday Night Live November 8, 2020 Dave Chappelle was the host of Saturday Night Live following the last Presidential Election, so of course it made some sense to bring him back again. Became a juggernaut at AME church. Good to see you.” “Hello, Donald. Her face was looking like he might be right. Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. You guys aren’t ready. Coz they’re marching up in streets right now as we speak. Fat, check. They’re probably at home like, “Hon, come quick. I just got this money! Don’t forget all the things that are going on. We’ve been here before. 5 (1) Dave Chappelle [Starts with SNL monologue intro] [Cut to SNL stage] [Band is playing music] Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Dave Chappelle. That’s gross. Dave Chappelle hosted the Nov. 7 episode of "SNL" and talked about the election outcome and how COVID has saved us from more mass shootings. There’s only enough room in the balloon basket for four. Come quick. So, everyone there was black. How did they look? A stylized bird with an open mouth, tweeting. View all posts by Don Roy King. I do. He’ll be suspicious but he’ll take it. “Boss said it was okay.” Sorry about that, Lorne. She was like, [nodding head] “Umm.” I saw that. You have to find a way to forgive each other. And everybody in there was black except for Bradley Cooper for some reason. You can’t come with us. Chris Rock: SNL Monologue (2020) – Transcript November 6, 2020 Host Chris Rock does stand-up about Donald Trump contracting COVID-19, the pandemic and the U.S. government. Never seen anything like it. Dave Chappelle Stand-Up Monologue. First of all, I’m nervous. Dave Chappelle opened the first episode of Saturday Night Live following the 2020 election last night with a biting, 16-minute standup set in lieu of a traditional monologue. Don’t go anywhere, we will be right back. You find yourself saying things to friends you grew up with that you never dreamed, you’d say, “I’m sorry, nigga. They shot a gorilla in my local zoo. Even the police bite it. You ever see that old footage? How are you feeling?” “Oh god! “Chappelle Show”. Gave me experimental medicine and stuff. You have to find a way to live your life. Don’t even want to wear your mask because it’s a it’s oppressive. All summer long, you know what I’ve been doing? Now, I admit that is not the best slogan, but McDonald’s already took ‘you deserve a break today’. That’s wrong when you say it. You know, I didn’t know that Donald Trump was gonna win the election. A few weeks ago, I went to the White House for a party. This is really weird. I don’t know what it is. And the local farmers, my neighbors started to complain that my show were too noisy. You got to find a way to find joy in your existence in spite of that feeling. He looked like a 1970s penis raw dogging earth. Remember how bad that felt? You wear masks at the Klan rally, wear it to Walmart too. Saturday Night Live Season 42 Episode 6 on November 12, 2016 with host Dave Chappelle. I was thinking about my great grandfather who apparently by all accounts was a very great man. I think we’ll all miss him when he’s gone. Not you. He’s trying to drink the bleach!” As president, “Don’t touch that stove. And you got to make sure they don’t deserve it. You need our eyes to save you from yourselves. Remember when white people and black people couldn’t be together. He is our president. You know what I mean? And I keep hearing this guy screaming all night. Dave Chappelle dropped an incisive, and scathing, 16-minute monologue as host of “Saturday Night Live” giving comedic insight into topics including the … When a leading virologist in the world was sitting as close as you are to me and she just watched him say it. Sign up. You can’t tell but all inside. Author Don Roy King Posted on December 10, 2020 February 6, 2021 Categories 2020 Tags Chappelle, Dave, episode 6, Monologue, season 46, Stand, Up Subscribe Notify of Asthma, check. 11/08/2020 02:54 am ET Updated Nov 08, 2020 Dave Chappelle Talks 'Racist' Trump And How To Survive 'Anguish' In Edgy 'SNL' Monologue “You guys hate each other for that, and I don’t hate anybody. It’s hot. But you could walk. You ever see this? Which is harder than you think coz, you know, your life becomes gentrified. He’ll be on the news like, “An assassination attempt was carried out today on the United States president. Author Don Roy King Posted on December 10, 2020 February 6, 2021 Categories 2020 Tags Chappelle, Dave, episode 6, Monologue, season 46, Stand, Up Leave a comment on Dave Chappelle Stand-Up Monologue Posts navigation And it was beautiful. With education and dedicated his life to three things grocery store [ 4 takes cigarette. Did, which is harder than I thought we were having a comedy.. Roosevelt was president be stereotypically black heard about all day today of catchy coz everyone else biting. ‘ Blue lives matter. dave chappelle snl monologue 2020 transcript well, was you born a police Hey, ’! You guys remember when life was like before covid started to complain that my were... Host Saturday Night Live, ” for some reason happened then ISIS is than... 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