verbal abuse stoppers

Verbal Abuse Stoppers Ignoring Skills – AddictionZ

Verbal Abuse Stoppers

Ignore Bad Behaviors and verbal abuse with a few simple “Shut Down” Verbal Abuse Ignoring Skills

The main goal of of using these Ignoring Skills  is to use these verbal abuse stoppers to defuse otherwise explosive situations.

Ignoring Skills

If you are living with or affected by an extreme addict, they can be quite childlike and irrational. In this case you will likely need some Verbal abuse ignoring skills to assist you in coping with the attacks. Here are a few examples that you can use to avoid and nip  the oncoming negative dialogue in the bud:

  •  Wow! – a simple statement like “Wow” can diffuse an attack quite nicely without the other person losing their dignity.

  •  Oh Really! – is another way to diffuse an irrational attack “without buying into” anything.

  •  Yikes! – This is my personal favorite! It seems to work best for me in situations that could become confrontational.

  • That is Amazing! When an especially dramatic story  of wonder or woe is told to elicit a big response,  the objective is to compliment and deflect the aggression without taking ownership of whatever the effect is supposed to be.
  • Why do you Ask? – answering an abusive question with a question can often diffuse things without taking on some sort of dredged up guilt an addict is so capable of doing on short notice.

Body Language Responses to Divert Verbal Abuse

 

  • Stop and Think!  Am I going to make a good choice or a bad choice? A good choice!  What are my choices or actions?
    • Look away, turn away, or walk away from the person or distraction.
    • Close your ears and do not listen.
    • Be silent, do not say anything.
    • Drop your head like a turtle.
    • Raise your shoulders and put your hands by your sides.
    • Focus on your work or activity.
    • Be quiet; don‛t say anything to the person distracting you
    • Say to yourself, “I won‛t look and I won‛t listen – I‛ll keep on working, studying, relaxing or playing”.
    • Continue to look away and focus on your activity.
    • Say, “Good Job” to yourself, especially if the distractions continue.
    • Take a deep breath and count to five.
    • Think about what good choices you can make. You can: a. Say to yourself,
      • “I won‛t look and I won‛t listen – I‛ll keep on (working, playing)”.
      • Turn your body away from the person.
      • Walk away from the person.
      • Ask another adult for help.
      • Choose and act out your best choice for avoiding things.

When the Verbal Abuse is Meant to Get Money

  • Sit on Your Hands! – When the money question arises. This may cause some bad reactions so get used to the first body language responses before diving into the deep end with this response. This is powerful body language that works.

If these do not work well or if you blow it and get into the fracas, it is often good to gain perspective by simply leaving the room for a minute. A short trip to the bathroom may be a good enough break while other situations may require you to protect yourself by leaving the situation for a longer period, particularly if there are previous instances of violence of other abuses.


 

The Dean of Addictionz

Working the Solution with Multiple and Addicts of all types

  • 36 Years Personal Recovery Experience in several Self Help Programs
  • Addiction Recovery Outreach Trustee, NW Region Webmaster, Newsletter Editor and contributer for various Recovery Associations Publications
  • Published in several major recovery publications:  AA Grapevine, Al-Anon Forum, Overeaters Anonymous “Voices of Recovery” and “Lifeline”, Gamblers Anonymous “Bulletin” &”Toastmaster” Magazine 
  • This AddictionZ.com website is featured in Melody Beattie’s current “Codependent no More Workbook”
  • Over 45 years successful contracting business experience working with over 2000 employees and Penitentery halfway house temporary staff.
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  • Recovery weekend workshop leader in Western Canada & US Pacific NW
  • Author “You Can’t Unscrew Somebody Workbook” for relationship makeovers
  • Author “Sex Inventory Workbook” for sex issues
  • Author “Drunk Driving Workbook”  for safety
  • Author “Breaking The Cycle of Gambling Addiction” arrest the money drain!
  • Author “Breaking the Cycle of Compulsive Overeating” get healthy!

Here is a thought!
Why don’t you book your sober recovery style vacation with us in beautiful downtown Victoria BC Canada at our Gingerbread Cottage Bed and Breakfast. Over the years we have had lots of therapists, recovering addicts and health professionals stay at our idyllic B&B steps from the Salish Sea. Oh and we have gourmet breakfasts too! Vanessa makes a fantastic Austrian Apple Strudel! see more on our B&B website…

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Have a great One Day at a Time! Dean 🙂

2 thoughts on “Verbal Abuse Stoppers Ignoring Skills – AddictionZ”

  1. I definitely suoprpt the chronic approach to addiction. From my personal experience with a loved one, during the treatment phase when there is a lot of suoprpt right in their face it’s easy to be successful. It’s when the treatment phase rolls over to self sustainability that they will be more vulnerable. Complacency and the feeling of success could give opportunity for temptation. If these programs could implement a recovery coach of sorts to give that little suoprpt after the treatment phase they could have a higher rate of long-lasting recovery. Also, encouraging the on-going participation in a community of interest would provide a sense of belonging which I feel would greatly increase a successful recovery. Another component could be to provide suoprpt for common social issues and duel diagnosis for this population.

    1. Aside from after care that most facilities do provide ( at a cost ) Usually the best support comes from attending some sort of 12 step group, getting a sponsor and seeing treatment as a beginning rather than a graduation.

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